HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washingtonchemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
It is amazing to watch things become legends. I first saw this post about 6 months ago and have seen it many times since. Now the story has changed a bit and the “student” has now slept with the girl and hell has become endothermic.
I saw this years ago, and the original ending was that she had not slept with him, thus proving that hell was exothermic, and was anticipating the eruption of hell
Hahahaha, that is fantastic! Absolutely amazing.
Like many internet memes, its origins have become obscured. I remember reading this well over a year ago, and at that time it was portrayed as a response to a question posted in an IRC channel.
6 months? I think I’ve heard a version of this over 6 years ago…
This is bogus!…. I wrote that, and it was during my Junior Year of High School…. Not college… and in Indiana, not Washington… and the instructor only gave me 100% on the essay but only an 84% on the test as a whole… Oh, btw… I have an IQ of only 137… and today I study theosophy and work to conclude a Grand Unification Theory which unites the fronts of religion and science, to debunk both in the face of philosophy.
-thanks.
ur dumb.
shut up.
poop.
and you have no sense of humour
and you’re bogus
Dude, how old is this joke?! What’s wrong, couldn’t think of anything new to post about?
Oh… and furthermore…. this question destroyed my life completely. It taught me that our life is actually an afterlife… and that we are already dead, and the World ever since has been re-defined for me as HELL… oh… and it was written in 1999, or possibly ‘98… and the instructors name was Mr. Fish (no pun intended, sincerely)… and it was only a bonus question at the end of the exam…
it’s funny how the story behind this has grown… but i suppose he was only trying to protect himself… after all I’ve been watched ever since. My intelligence robbed me of my childhood, and the truth always proves to be depressing.
I was only 16.
J.M.G.
8/2/1982
Yeah, but did you actually sleep with that girl? I smell silver lining!
I hope Teresa was hot…
I remember reading this joke about 20 years ago. And it was old then…
My first time reading it…
funny stuff
Um I really don’t give a damn if any of you have read it and need to make negative comments about how old this is. I haven’t heard it, and not many other people have, and unfortunately I actually have a busy life that I don’t keep a tab of all the popular jokes that float around the internet.
Enjoy it for what it is. Who cares if it’s fake or real, how old it is? It’s a funny article. Loosen up. Live life.
Well put. They are Rooseveltian Critics and I have forwarded the link on to my friends despite and to spite them.
Wouldn’t “souls” have to have a mass for this at least hypothetically make sense?
Good point. Even light is made some sort of particles so perhaps a soul could have a minimal amount of mass by merely existing?
Or as Einstein’s law states, energy is mass and vice versa, so maybe once the souls reach hell, for the entities to “exist” in hell it converts back into some kind of a mass from the energy state that it was before.
That’s my nerdy theory based on what I know about E=mc2 etc. Cheers
Johnny, I want my liver back!
Although that little story is amusing, it doesn’t make sense from a
thermodynamic or logical point of view.
First off, the question doesn’t make sense. Endergonic and exergonic
(aka endothermic and exothermic) as terms imply closed or open volumes,
meaning that energy can be transferred in or out, but not isolated, which means that no mass or energy leaves. The kid’s explanation clearly implies a belief that hell is clearly functionally isolated. At any given time t, hell is an isolated system and does not exchange anything with its surroundings.
The citation of Boyle’s Law by both the “usual answers” provided and the student (I’m wondering why it was even mentioned, since the full ideal gas law is a generalization of Boyle’s law and should be used in its place in a college course) are wrong. What the question refers to as “Boyle’s Law” is in fact Charles’ Law. What the student refers to is the so-called “combined” gas law. The empirical thermodynamic laws are:
P=kT (constant volume) [Charles' Law]
V=kT (constant pressure) [Guy-Lussac's Law]
PV=k (constant temperature) [Boyle's Law]
Where k of course represents a different constant in each case. The
combined gas law is:
PV=kT (isolated system)
Each of the above laws is in fact an artifact of the early days of chemical thermodynamics, when each of these laws was discovered empirically. An empirical law isn’t really explaining anything, just saying that there’s a correlation. To truly understand something, you have to start with a set of axioms and derive a general formula for it, something that these laws didn’t do.
Later on, the kinetic molecular theory derived from statistical mechanics a generalized ideal gas law that encompasses all of the above:
PV=nRT, where R is the ideal gas constant, 0.08206 L*atm*K^(-1)*mol^(-1), and n is the number of molecules.
Furthermore, following this kid’s reasoning, just from a logical standpoint, Hell’s temperature and pressure are constant, therefore
volume has to change, therefore Hell will eventually experience a temperature change. I missed the logic train. While his explanation is funny, I would like to think any university professor has a better set of brains in his head than this one allegedly displayed.
And even though as stated above, the question doesn’t make any amount of sense, just for the sake of amusement, I can give a correct
thermodynamic explanation of Hell.
Since the kid pretty clearly established that Hell is a semi-isolated
system in which merely has a positive input of souls, then we can say that by definition, dU/dt_(n)=0, or the change in internal energy of
Hell is constant given no change in the number of souls. Then the internal energy of Hell is at least constant, if not increasing, since
things can only enter it. I suppose we can expect it to be increasing since for it to be constant, every entering soul would have to be a point volume and be at absolute zero.
If we assume that we can represent Hell as a homogeneous nonreacting gaseous system (i.e. all chemical potentials of the various souls are 0), then the internal energy of Hell U = PV; that is, is equivalent to the amount of work being done by pressure on the “walls” of Hell.
Further, we must note that in Hell, temperature (a measure of the
kinetic energy of particles) is a factor.
The ideal gas law PV = nRT predicts that if n increases, and since we
know PV is increasing, this all really depends on this expression:
p*dV/dt + V*dP/dt = RT*dn\dt + Rn*dT/dt
Which is a description of the ideal gas law as time goes by. This expression shows that since we know dn/dt > 0 (souls are being added), then one of three things will happen depending on temperature:
1. If temperature increases, then the product of volume and pressure
will as well. The pressure might increase radically and the volume decrease, vice versa, or they both might increase to a certain degree.
2. If temperature is constant, then the same will definitely happen.
3. If temperature decreases, then it means that the product of volume
and pressure will increase to a degree that exceeds the capacity to retain the same temperature. It’s like what happens when you bring a
rubber band back to its natural state after letting it be stretched for a bit. The band has done so much work on its environment (typically your fingers, by helping bring them together) and is unable to transfer heat, so it becomes cold. Similarly, Hell will do work on its “surroundings” to the point where it becomes colder, on average, than it was before.
So in short, if it’s a cold day in Hell, it means that this particular college student had just observed evidence of Hell getting a lot bigger or a lot more crowded a lot faster than usual. That’s what you get for an incorrect answer. God smites you with the power of SCIENCE!
God I love thermodynamics.
Your soul = 0
WTF!? it’s a damn joke
…
YOU FAIL!
You fail at comedy, and life. Go Home. (seriously…click it…up at the top…next to refresh…do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars)
go to heck
a nerd. that needs to get laid
I found that to be a well thought out answer. A+. Now straighten your pocket protector and get back to work.
HAHA my chem teacher in HS read that to us the week after it happened i guess thats my chem teachers buddy at washington
It sure was MAZE and I am good friends with the second gunman on the grassy knoll
Holy shit look at Jtf. Who gives a fuck about the scientific facts? Thats funny to read and you dont have to think too much to understand it man. Its just a funny writing… O boy why some people try to show their self as smartasses…
Thumbs up solely for JTF’s comment.
Not only was this post funny but the reaction TO this post was funny. Thanks for posting Jeff, I’ve never seen this before, made me smile.
wow to JTF nice answer gotta love thermodynamics…. im studyin toxicology at the mo but back in my second year of college in chem my lecturer gave the same flaming to this joke as u did lol… gotta love how u can disprove ne thing with science
REGARDLESS… It’s a phenomenal THEORY!
Man. Hahahahahahahaha! The joke was good. The comments are a hoot. The scientology of all of this hootinany is just amazing. I hope someone gets on my for using the word scientology! Hahahaha. Oh man. It’s late. I need sleep. Or sugar. Let’s hit Stumble and go pour myself some coffe, eh? Yes. Let’s. Okay. Ouch. What? Nothing. Oh, ok.
I won’t be back after seing jeff kee’s immature reaction to the general feedback about posting an age old internet joke/emailspam.
‘Creation. Innovation. Action. Success.’ - zilch on all four, buddy.
Having a blog does not raise you above those who don’t.
peace. live life.
Lief - completely agree!
Thanks Jeff, I had not read this before! That was quite funny..
It’s been around a lot longer than you think…
http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp
You posted it as new news when a google search would have shown you how ridiculously old it was.
That’s the problem people have.
I dont see anywhere that says this is new news. Can you read English?
I’ve never heard this joke before and I enjoyed it. It’s of a higher caliber than most you find surfing around.
Many Thanks
Thank you for NOT being a nerdy loser keeping track of all the internet jokes by looking it up on Google! You’re a cool guy.
Enjoy, and enjoy.
a girl can change the hell?!!
Change it? Perhaps not… but they sure can create a “Living Hell” - and for that, they have to be given SOME points (though I hope they are negative!).
btw… I want the tart in the car ad! I’ll branding iron that check mark on her butt cheeks!
(ok…OK! I’ll use a marker! What’s with you people anyway?!?)
ease up everybody…….it’s just a cute”story”. Have a chuckle and delete it or send it to a friend & share it.
XD very very good……… hehehhe
I like it whoooooooooooah…
LOVE it.
brilliant.
Your banner makes small children cry.
haha please! Where’s your sense of humor?
No matter how old this is, it’s still funny the first time you read it.
Quit ruining it bastards.
Weird,
More then 5 years ago there was an identical post in Bash.org, only that in the end the remarkable students confessed that Teresa never let him lay a finger on her which is way hell is endothermic.
More then that, the last part about the existence of god is an addendum which didn’t belong in the original post.
I liked the original version better.